May 2008 Archives

If the Burma crisis is getting you down, or (heaven forbid) you feel that the Mugabe magic is wearing thin then there may be a solution. A Big Brother despot special, of course!

Just imagine it... Kim Jog-Il, Saudia Arabia's King Abdullah, Hu Jintau, etc all stuck together in "The Big Brother house". The prize: worldwide diplomatic immunity.

Day 3. Bob is in the kitchen. He is having an argument with Omar (Al-Bashir) about the washing up. "Now Omar: that is just the kind of remark I'd expect to come from fascist homosexual colonialists. Are you sure that you are not British!?"

Day 12. Hu Jintao is in the diary room. On Friday, the rest of the house told Hu that they did not think his idea for a musical based on the Glorious life of Deng Xiaoping would help them to win this week's challenge. "These are savages who know nothing of honour!"

Day 23. Than (Shwe) has been working for three hours preparing a surprise barbeque for all five of his other housemates. Bob, angry with Than over an arguement about the state of the bathroom, has found out about it. As revenge, Bob has just shared his prize from last week's challenge (a beach banquet) with Kim, Abdullah, Isayas and Hu. Than was too busy outside to notice.

Spring weather has arrived, Ken Livingston is no longer Mayor of London and my baguette making is firmly in the 'Could do better' catagory.

I recently heard a doctor working in a South East London Accident and Emergency Unit talk about someone who purposely put their hand in a blender and turned it on. Apparently, they wanted to see what would happen. The result was the most horrific injury that the physician had ever seen. Did people vote for Boris Johnson in the the London Mayoral election because they wanted to see what would happen?

In the USA, the 'race' for the Democratic nomination continues into Indiana. Once again Obama and Clinton will savage each other the press, TV and more or less anyone who will listen. It's all a bit too much like Highlander for my liking. Barack is MacLeod, Hilary is The Kurgan. "There can be only one!", cries the victor as they decapatate their opponent.

My main gripe with the whole Obama/Clinton war is that the eventual victor (probably Obama) will be savagely wounded in the eyes of U.S voters. By the time the winning candidate is decided, the victor is likely to resemble the last pooch standing in a dog fight: more ready for the knackers' yard than half a dozen head-to-head debates with John McCain and the Republican machine.

And yet, there is no way I would want to see Hilary Clinton win the Democratic nomination. Surely the last thing that "The American People" need right now is a surrogate monarchy.

And so the pagan "Adios winter" festival day is here. We definitely managed to get the fire theme into the day early on. The toaster burst into flames around 07.00. Unfortunately, the towel which I had hope to use to quell the flames was actually full of miniature new potatos. Result: the surreal scene of a blazing toaster and a shower of vegetables raining down from above.

The fire burned itself out in the end. Maybe that machine just can't handle stoneground wholemeal. Maybe it needs some live yogurt or some time in the countryside.

Om...